An Open Letter to Test Cricket Curators

Dear Sir,
A test match is supposed to be over with around 40 wickets taken within 5 days. Timeless tests went out long ago and frankly, with some of the pitches being prepared in Pakistan and the West Indies a timeless test at the moment could take a month. We simply cannot risk crictical players being absent from the IPL (and the huge $ they would make) because they are still playing, batting at 2/2222 (Ritchie Benaud will be missed) on the twentieth day of a test match (in reply to 10345 by their opposition in the first innings). At Bridgetown at stumps on day 4, the combined total from England and the West Indies is 15/1355, meaning an average score of 90 runs per wicket. This despite England's batsmen blatantly failing to convert centuries into double hundreds . From 4 test, there has only been one result so far, with odds of 1/16 on being quoted for the draw in 4th test and only one game left in the series. This includes the debacle at North Sound where only 1.4 overs were bowled. Seriously, the West Indies must been smoking a lot of weed over the past few weeks, because that is the only way curators could have got their job so badly wrong. On the subcontinent the pitches aren't much better with the Karachi test between Pakistan and Sri Lanka just finishing giving a total score of 18/1553 and an average per wicket of 86. This was improved by the 5/144 Sri Lankan 2nd innings on the last day when nothing was at stake and a result was almost impossible.

However, I implore you to head to South Africa for some advice. The test in Johannesberg between the host nation and Australia has yielded 32/1071 in 4 days despite losing time due to local weather conditions. An average of 33 will keep the bowlers in business and the seaming pitch has resulted in what should be an enthralling final day, with any of the three results still quite possible. So learn from your many mistakes and prepare your pitches to have some spice (even if the Poms get rolled for 51) and take a bit of spin. Most of all, lay off the drugs. At least while you are trying to prepare a test standard pitch.

From The Rushed Behind

PS. Keep the tame pitches for 20/20 games!